What not to do on a first date (Part 2: Conversation)

So in our last meeting we went over counter intuitive ideas when trying to figure out where to go on a first date. As important as I think each of these pahses are individually I want you all to realise that the shift that all of my advice is trying to inspire is from the "I really need to impress the hell out of this person." to "Don't screw this up." because that's really the important thing to keep in mind. Not screwing up is all you need to focus on. After that your personality and interests will make or break your connection without much hub-bub.

Also I'd like to reiterate that I'm a guy. As such I'm gonna be writing this from the "guys" perspectives. However realise that a lot of this information will also include the "woman's" point of view and you can even disregard the quotations around the gender implications if you don't adhere to such these as standard gender roles. I'm just trying to keep things simple. That being said... let's continue.

Most people on first dates and stuff fall into the "So what do you do?" "Where do you live?" "What do you listen to?" interrogation style getting to know you trap. That's sad for the whole family. This is a very poor approach to any conversation. You basically turn it into a job interview at that point. You're collecting an excess of data with a minimal amount of personality. If the list of bands someone likes or having them explain to you what their responsibilities at their day job are is all it takes for you to make an emotional decision on whether or not you want to spend a significant chunk of your life with someone... you should probably just stop breathing now cause you're taking valuable oxygen away from the rest of us.

There is also the option of falling into the same trap on the other end. You can do this by doing nothing but listing facts about yourself. Besides the fact that doing nothing but talking about yourself makes most people fantasize throwing 150 proof alcohol into your eyes, doing it in a trivial fashion can only make things worse.

On top of trying not to bore or be boring with you questions and answers you also have to avoid looking like a freak when you actually do have something to say. The most common topical quicksand is talking about your exes. No one wants to listen to your problems with your exes when they know and like you. So forget about getting a stranger to be sincere about their interest in such a topic. Especially when they're basically applying to be added to that list. Aside from that any gossiping, whining, complaining, stressing, etc. All pretty much off limits.

Avoiding telling stories is probably the worst mistake you can make. I know so many people who get nervous about talking too much so they try to keep their answers short and concise and all they're really succeeding at is sucking all the charisma out of the air. Anecdotes are your friend on a first date. If she's asking "What do you do for work?" instead of stating "I'm an illustrator." try to turn it into a story. "I draw things for a living but really it feels more like babysitting lately. Like the other day I had a client tell me that he needed a logo in two days. Now typically I'd tell him to go screw since that's a ridiculously short window but I didn't have much on my plate so I was like 'yeah fine, just give me a call later and we'll go ove the specs, I'll put together some samples kick em over tonight and tomorrow we can solidify it and bang out the kinks.' he gets excited but wants me to drive two hours out of my way to meet in person for this. So at this point I'm just annoyed because there is no reason I need to be there and I know he's just gonna bite his nails over my shoulder the whole time...." etc etc. The story adds a lot of body, leads to tangents and interjections and usually sparks response stories from her. Seriously... if you can get one good story going you can settle into a 2 hour long convo with no questions being asked.

Also it's good to have a story or two on backup. You can usually lead into a story with anything. Look for something weird in the environment. ANYTHING weird. Odd paintings. Stanged table placements. A strange item on the menu. "What the heck is that. (insert mild chat about the odd item) It reminds me of this time..." The story doesn't need to have ANYTHING to do with the item. When the stories over either she's forgotten the trigger or she'll realize it's not connected and ask "What does that have to do with the elephant salt shaker?" and you can just go "I really don't know. It just brought it to mind." and laugh it off.

Instead of asking questions about her, make comments and guesses about her personality, hobbies, interests. You risk coming across as minorly insulting but just keep it light and you'll be fine. To correct you she'll have to answer the unspoken questions. Like if she has nice earrings but her hair is down... "Oh I like those earrings. Though it's weird that you'd hide them behind your hair. Are they stolen? Cause I saw a cop scoping the area early and if I'm gonna play alibi I need time to make up a good lie." That kinda comment leads to a story. Her response tells you about her personality.

If she orders a vegetarian plate, instead of being a dork and asking "Are you a vegetarian?" say "Ohhhh.... were your parents killed by lettuce too?" It's a good solid way to test her out. If your sideways comment/questions lead her to confusion... she may be dumb. If she replies in similarly playful sarcasm she's a keeper. It's all about testing her personality out.

Do not...

• ... interrogate your date.
• ... spout off a lot of empty data about yourself.
• ... be too whiny or negative.
• ... avoid anecdotes.
• ... be afraid to jump to conclusions.
• ... forget to keep a story or two on tap.

Keep all this in mind and always remember that trying to sound cool is the quickest wat to prove to someone just how uncool you are.

Coming Soon... Part 3: Escape to the Aftermath