What not to do on a first date (Part 3: Escape to the Aftermath)

So in our last episode we discussed discussions. Hopefully at this point you all understand why you should avoid going into these situations without thinking about your background and making sure you have some sort of baseline for your conversations so you don't get lost in the world.

So what else is there? You eat. You talk. That's a date. But what if you need to escape? You show up and the person just doesn't meet your standards for one reason or another. Maybe they didn't read my previous advice and they're giving one word answers and have no good stories. Maybe you're a racist pig and found out she's a quarter Polish and you just can't cope with that. Whatever your reason you should always have an escape plan.

However what if things have gone amazingly well? You're thinking of trying to step it up and get laid. Or maybe you're just thinking ahead to a second date. How fast is too fast? You wouldn't want to ruin an amazing night in the last move. So today we'll cover the escape and the wrap up.

We all remember the game. Trying to climb up to the next level while trying to avoid the slides that would take you back to zero. In real life sometimes those chutes are your friends.

Let's start with the escape plans since that should be the more likely situation to come up. A lot of people have different gimmicky ways to escape. I've heard people use a bathroom ditch technique or they'll have a friend on back up to "run in to" so it off sets the flow. Emergency calls. There's tons of zany schemes out there. You really don't need any of those if you can plan ahead a little bit.

When making the plans for the date make sure you have your own transportation. Don't let someone else handle your transport to and from with no other options. You end up at the persons whim and there's not casual way to cut out on them. Or if you're the transporter then you have to bring them back after and that's just awkward if you're getting rid of them. Also make sure you have something else to do later. Make your date plans early in the evening and have other plans with friends later on elsewhere. This solves two problems.

First it makes sure there is a time limit on your date. Don't tell your date what that time limit is though.You want to keep it vauge. "I have to be at the my friends place for a birthday thing later. We'll have an hour or two though." If things are going well you can stretch your time out a little but you won't over stay your welcome and if things are bombing you can play the "I should probably get going if I want to get there to help set up." easy peasy. It's a total cure all.

Secondly should you end up on a date with a clingy weirdo or a murderous psychopath you'll have friends expecting you who will notice when you don't show up and they'll come looking. Simultaneously it'll keep potential stalkers from following you back to your house if you're going elsewhere first.

Now let's look at what to do if everything is going well. What's allowable and what is overkill?

At the end of the night a kiss is totally acceptable. Even a passionate dragged out kiss would work if the chemistry is there. However if you're serious about seeing the person again you'll want to leave them wanting. Don't turn it into a make out session and really don't try to push for getting laid. Even if they're inviting you upstairs and you want to go... save it for another night. If you don't you'll risk the awkwardness of trying to figure out if it was a one night stand. You're follow up communication will be overly cautious and cause issues. It's just a breeding ground for social complications.

As for follow up contact you can absolutely feel free to send a text the same day or the day after. Keep it short and sweet. "I had a really good time." works just fine. No letting it turn into a conversation and absolutely no call though. People all have different rules for when to call and what's appropriate but remember that everyone has different expectations. Time is quite relative. So don't worry about waiting three days or two days or til the following Thursday or the first Monday with an odd number. Whatever day you had your date on, the next day is off limits. The following day is cool. Now lets answer some of the basic questions about follow up calls.

Q: How long of a call is too long?
A: Keep it under 3 minutes on the first call. After that try to keep it under 20 minutes. Leave the getting to know you to the face to face time.

Q:If they don't answer what kind of message should I leave?
A: Nothing long winded or complex. "Hey, it's me. Gimmie a call when you get a chance." The End. Don't try to explain why you're calling. Don't try to explain why they should call you back. Don't bother telling them when a good time to reach you is. Don't tell them when you'll try again. Simple is better.

Q: How often can I try to call if I'm not getting an answer?
A: There's a pretty easy equation for this. Just add one day of space for each call. You have your date Friday. You can't call Saturday. That's one day wait. So you call Sunday and leave a voicemail. You don't hear back from them so no you have to wait two days. So no calls on Monday or Tuesday. You try again Wednesday and leave another voicemail. Still nothing. So now you add one more making it three days off. That means no calls on Thursday, Friday or Saturday. And so on. Do this until your wait is five days long and then just give up.

Don't...

• ... rely on each other for your ways to and from.
• ... make your date your only activity that night.
• ... overstay your welcome.
• ... get to sexed up.
• ... start getting too chatty too soon.
• ... leave any exposition in your voicemails.
• ... expect things to work out.

Keep all this in mind and always remember that even if you're both very into each other and everything between you syncs up perfectly you're still contesting with space, time and reality. It can work. Just don't get too far ahead of yourself.

The End