How to tell if your date is interested. (Re: KCC Big Country)

I'm still new to this place but I seem to already have some fans. I even got a hub request already. Kinda cool really. So KCC Big Country asked me to write this hub on Ways to tell if your date is interested in you.

There's tons of articles out in the world about this. They talk about body language and vocal intonation and other such cliched topics. I'll try to be more original in my thoughts on the topic but I can't promise it won't just be the same regurgitated dribble that everyone else spouts. I'll do what I can and if you stay with me I'm pretty sure you'll learn something you didn't know before.

Shall we begin?

The main problem with addressing such a question is that it's the wrong question. There are many ways people try to sell as foolproof ways to tell when someone is interested in you or not. The answers you get are all very reliable and almost always misleading. I'll go into all of this as best I can and at the end of the article in my usual summary I'll list some key points on telling if someone is interested or if they're faking it. But most of this will be going into why I think the question is misleading.

In all reality our instincts alone are often enough to tell if someone is interested. They smile properly and laugh at parts of your conversation that aren't really jokes. If they aren't too nervous they'll make some soft bodily contact. Their shoulders will square towards you with interest. There will be a lack of crossed arms and ankles when they're comfortable. They'll expose the palm more often than usual and if they have long hair they'll pull it aside exposing the neck. They'll make more thoughtful eye contact than usual.

We've all heard these things. We've all looked for the one or two signs we can remember in the moment and tried to figure out if things were going well. We also, probably in the process of over analyzing, get so caught up in looking for confirmation that we end up making ourselves look disinterested.

The problem with this information is much like the problem with lie detectors. Lie detectors can tell you that someone is nervous or anxious but cannot decipher the why. The why is a better question.

If someone is clearly disinterested in you you've got it easy. You'll be a little put off by it but for the most part it's clean cut and finished with. Closure comes with the package so you can move on. What happens when the person shows you every sign of interest and then you never hear from them again? Were the signs wrong? That's unlikely. The real question is Why were they interested?

The motive makes for the more curious aspect. Maybe she's just very polite and while she enjoyed your company she just decided she wasn't interested. Maybe he was trying to make a good impression in the hopes of getting laid but doesn't feel like putting in any legwork towards something more stable. Maybe she was on the date with the intention of cheating on her boyfriend and got cold feet about it so she never contacts you again. Maybe he had two dates scheduled for the same week and he liked the person on the second date better. Maybe she met you for drinks not realising it was a date but she has a flirty persona so she shows signs of interested approval all night but then when you go in for the kiss she gets squeamish and that's the end of things.

The point is that while the ways to detect whether or not someone is interested are many and reliable... you should always be more curious about what exactly they're interested in. That's where the confusion and trouble comes into play.

As long as you aren't being weird or creepy and the night hasn't gone extendedly long here are some reliable checklists.

Ways to tell is someone is interested:

• Making good eye contact.
• Smiling causes their eyes to shift in tune.
• Casual unnecessary physical contact.
• Laughing at things that aren't really funny.
• They use the words "we" and "us" instead of "you and I".
• Leaning towards you at points of focus.

Signs that someone is just being polite:

• Looking around a lot.
• Smiling when they should but rarely with their eyes.
• Flinching at touch.
• Hinting at needing to be elsewhere.
• Casually sitting with their arms or ankles crossed.

Keep these things in mind but always remember that the reasons why someone is showing their interest can be the more important information to have.